Sunday, May 18, 2008

Using Your Brain, Christian Science Monitor-style

'He's eating my brain. I can feel it,' recalls bear attack survivor...

A local game warden later found the bear and shot at him, killing him.
Because these things can only be done by trained, professional "Only Ones." And only after the fact, never as a preventative measure, unless, of course, you happen to be an elite government employee.

Don't believe me? Hey, who am I to argue with the trained professional "Authorized Journalists" at the Christian Science Monitor?

And who are you?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

From the comments section:

Albert wrote:

This story does raise, however, a more complex issue. There is no doubt these kinds of incidents will increase in occurrence the more we push our presence into areas we have never or rarely ventured before.

That's been true for well over four million years now, Captain Obvious.

We must ask ourselves, do we have the right to kill countless animals and destroy kilometers of habitat just because we want to build a house or a mall, or whatever in a particular spot?

You know, it's only sophisticated urbanites like this who have the luxury of relaxing in their high-rise condos with a glass of Chablis, a wedge of Camembert (the World's Third Stinkiest Cheese), and some French Water Biscuits, asking questions about animal rights, and the Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Everyone and everything else has to fight, sometimes to the death, for the staples of life.

If we believe we do, should we really be surprised by the consequences? Should we be surprised by the fact animals are increasingly showing up in urban areas and they are on the defensive?

Surprised? No. Prepared? Yes. As noted above, it's been going on for millions of years. Guess you didn't get the memo.

Countless studies have proven how all forms of life on this planet are interdependent.

Name one. Show who did it, who published it, and who paid for it. Include all raw data.

Just how long will we remain the "superior" species if we insist on continuing to destroy the world around us?

Until the The Answer to The Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is simultaneously known within the same Space-Time Continuum as the Question itself. At that point, the entire Universe will vanish, and be replaced with something even more inexplicably bizarre.*

*There is a popular theory that asserts that this has already happened.

I believe if we continue on the path we are on, we will be the rulers of a barren kingdom, fighting among ourselves for the scraps that remain.

Are you talking about the US Presidential Primary Season?

Anonymous said...

The quotes above regarding the Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything are courtesy of the late, great English philosopher and lunatic Douglas Adams, author of the series Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Didn't mean to plagiarize.

Anonymous said...

We should put Albert in the bear habitat at any zoo -- with the supposedly TAME ones. He can get THEIR opinion on speciesism.
Where I live used to be the far fringes. Now it's the mid-suburbs and turning into the outer city. Where should we have stopped, Albert? The year 1800? 1930? Just before YOUR home was built? They never see it THAT way.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious commentary, gaviota. You really know where your towel is.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Defender.

In fact, I'm sitting on my beloved towel right now.

I'm in mourning over it because I made a grievious blunder by allowing it out of my possession in a moment of inattention. My wife washed it, mass-killing a burgeoning civilization of intelligent micro-organisms that was establishing itself on one of the smellier patches.

I was warned that this could happen by Douglas, and now they have paid the price.

I'm so sorry.