We're the Only Ones...ENOUGH Already...

WarOnGuns correspondent Vinnie puts the "cop" into "cornucopia" with a virtual glut of "Only Ones" vignettes. Now we get to see if I can spontaneously come up with suitably corny headlines for this unanticipated barrage:

We're the Only Ones Appraising Enough

A Prince George's County police officer is charged with assault after police say he pulled a gun on a real estate appraiser who came to the officer's house by mistake.

We're the Only Ones "America's Bloodiest Home Videos" Enough

"The one cop came punched me in my mouth then they threw me on the floor. After they were done smashing the camera then they hit me with the night stick," Rodriguez said.

We're the Only Ones Putting Out the Hits Enough

A Suffolk county jury has convicted a 22-year-old New York police academy recruit of conspiracy to commit murder for trying to hire a hit man to kill his girlfriend.

We're the Only Ones Anxious to Get on With Our Lives and Work Enough

A municipal court judge charged with pointing a pistol at two others has been sentenced to probation after pleading guilty to a lesser charge.

We're the Only Ones Dealing Enough

A Wallace police officer was jailed on drug charges after an investigation that began last summer, authorities said.

We're the Only Ones Who Keep Going and Going Enough

A Chicago police officer has been charged with domestic battery and stripped of her police powers, officials said.

We're the Only Ones Discharging Enough

She is charged with one count of discharging a firearm in an occupied building, a four-year felony, one count of felonious assault, a four-year felony, and felony firearms, a two-year felony.

We're the Only Ones Dipping Into the Spa Enough

Another New Orleans police officer charged in a robbery at the Bangkok Spa has pleaded guilty.

We're the Only Ones Walking the Walk Enough

35-year-old Paul Cetinski told a judge he was tasered repeatedly, without warning, after allegedly jay-walking in the downtown area.

We're the Only Ones Overlapping Enough

A Cuyahoga County grand jury today indicted a Cleveland police officer on a charge of theft in office based on allegations he collected on-duty pay while working off-duty as a security guard.

I'm sure glad these people were all considered more trustworthy to bear arms than I am.

I need a drink. And it's not even 6:00 AM. And I don't really drink all that much.

Carnival of "The Only Ones"

Hurry, hurry, hurry...

Welcome to the festival. This one was put together on short notice, so participation's kind of scant--still, we have a few outstanding attractions, so let's head on down the Midway and take a look at them...

A Keyboard and a .45 showcases "We're the 'Only Ones' Who Can Not Tell Black From White!"

The eye witnesses to the suspect escaping from the crash were police officers who described the man as a young black man in a hoodie with a .22 pistol. It appears that the suspect somehow morphed into a young white man, wearing a blue sweatshirt and carrying an assault rifle.

A Friend of Freedom doesn't have a blog, but wanted to set up a table here at the Carnival to call our attention to a sideshow that could be called "We're the Only Ones Stung Enough":

Two Chicago cops were arrested Wednesday in an FBI sting for allegedly stealing $31,000 from self-storage lockers they thought were rented by a drug dealer.

Likewise, Cousin G wanted in on the act, so he's standing by the Big Tent handing out flyers titled "We're the Only Ones Presenting Opportunities Enough":

The Money Quote: "Investigators said Parkey's guns were in a gun safe but that the safe was not locked."

Cousin G also directs us to a follow-up to this story, something that could be called "We're the Only Ones Sheltered by the Media Enough":

The veteran officer - the Sun is not naming him yet - was suspended from duty with pay on Thursday.

Meanwhile, over at the side shows, Free Constitution wins "Best of Freak Show" hands down. Forget Siamese Twins or The Two-Headed Boy, he's got an "Only One" who can be TWO PLACES AT ONCE! Meet "We're the Only Ones Sick & Fraudulent Enough":

[M]eet Retired Police Officer Charles B. Lincoln who managed to work two government jobs, while giving the effort required of one.

Dang, it, Stan. I hate it when you reveal how the trick works. Spoils the magic.


Finally, we have a Cornucopia of Carnival Coppers right here at The War on Guns:

"We're the only Ones in the Wrong Place Enough,"

"We're the Only Ones Career-Minded Enough,"

"We're the Only Ones [G]un Controlled Enough,"

and many more rides and attractions, including the original vault where we keep "The Only Ones Files."

That wraps up the guided portion of The Carnival of the Only Ones. Feel free to stroll around the Midway and enjoy the sites, the sounds, the shows.

And remember:

The purpose of this feature has never been to bash cops. The only reason I do this is to amass a credible body of evidence to present when those who would deny our right to keep and bear arms use the argument that only the police are professional and trained enough to do so safely and responsibly. And it's also used to illustrate when those of official status, rank or privilege, both in law enforcement and in some other government position, get special breaks not available to we commoners, particularly when they're involved in gun-related incidents.

Carnival of the Only Ones 2

Come on in, right through the turnstile here. Welcome to another Carnival of the Only Ones. Want a map of the grounds, or are you just going to wander? Right over there is the midway. Where should we go first?

Well, what the heck--it's my show, so I'll start if off with Wonders from The WarOnGuns:

We begin with this Circassian Beauty--Hubba, hubba, step back, gents. Who doesn't love a woman out of uniform, out of a car, out of her service pistol? And friend Bounty Hunter tells us there's an amateur dance contest open to all you young ladies going on under your...uh...THE Big Top!

Next we have the amazing self-firing handgun. Or was it a cell phone?

Don't get too close--it's The Amazing Electro, who can discharge bolts of Jovian wrath into his youthful assistant and still remain on active duty!

Next we wander over to the shooting gallery, where Y. Can Aire points out some amazing "feets" of marksmanship. I'll bet that was one "Only One" who was hopping mad!

But enough levity. Longtime WoG contributor Straightarrow calls our attention to Madame Nicki's, where she's featuring The Only Ones' Salute to Disabled Septuagenarian War Vets, a performance sure to make you wave your arms in patriotic fervor--assuming they haven't been yanked behind your back to aggravate old war wounds. It must be a great show, because BobG and his friends can't stop talking about it.

One thing we pride ourselves on here at The Only Ones Carnival is giving our customers a good deal. .45 Superman tells us to go visit the Pima County Sheriff's booth--offers like this won't last. Sorry, no rain checks, no returns, but Declan says you might want to ask for a sales slip anyway.

One of the best things about a carnival is the food. Kettle corn. Cotton candy. Funnel cakes. Sno-Cones. M-mmm. But correspondent NF tell us it's also important for some of us to watch our diets and make sure we get enough fiber. Along with enough illegal handguns, but when you're an alderman, you're also an "Only One," and the regular rules don't apply. (Arenda Troutman's colon? Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. Too bad, because Cowboy Blob tells us there's a Subway concession.)

But that's OK, because frequent correspondent 1894C reports there's more action afoot again back at the shooting gallery--you can't say The Only Ones aren't putting their best foot forward for this carnival.

Hey, who feels like trying out some of the rides? Hairy Hobbit suggests we try The Streak. Wait--that's not a ride--it involves someone without clothes getting some Amazing Electro action over at the food area--I knew we should have gotten a map at the entrance--we just went around full circle.

Does anyone need to use one of the clean rest facilities the Carnival prides itself on (well, assuming Arenda hasn't been there first)? Tavis S. points the way, and tells us even there you might walk away with a prize. Tavis also tells us that apparently, some kind of fundraiser involving dirty cars is being held.

Fits knows the importance of safety at any Carnival, and lets us know that in case of emergencies, there's a security tent set up to take your report and respond as only The Only Ones can.

.45 Superman has just returned from the dealer tables and tells us we absolutely gotta check out one of the most amazing acts ever performed at the Carnival: The Psychic Psychiatrist, the Mental Mindreader, that Enforcer of Emotion, Boulder County Sheriff Joe Pelle, who claims "[We're] the only ones who know whether the applicant is suicidal or is hallucinating about intruders."

OK, Omnipotent Only One--what card did I pick? The King of Clubs? Amazing--how does he do it? Or am I just hallucinating?

Hyunchback tells us he just had an electrifying experience--no, he hasn't circled back to Amazing Electro's show, he's found a worthy rival for AE (we'll bill him as Lightning Lord), who is passing on his awesome powers to the next generation in an in-your-face performance. We're sure you'll get a charge out of his act--or at least the little girls in the audience will.


And now we direct your attention to above the throngs, above the midway, above the law! Civis Proeliator announces The High-Flying Only Ones, who perform their legislature-defying act without a net! (I can't look!)

Well, that's it for this Only Ones Carnival. A big thanks to all who participated and contributed. I hope everybody had a good time. If you really want to get your money's worth, now that you've seen the highlights, take some time and go explore some of the fine blogs linked to here.

And remember:

The purpose of "The Only Ones" has never been to bash cops. The only reason I do this is to amass a credible body of evidence to present when those who would deny our right to keep and bear arms use the argument that only the police are professional and trained enough to do so safely and responsibly. And it's also used to illustrate when those of official status, rank or privilege, both in law enforcement and in some other government position, get special breaks not available to we commoners, particularly when they're involved in gun-related incidents.

A Cavalcade of "Only Ones"

I received quite a few "Only Ones" tips yesterday, and because of time constraints decided to consolidate them into one post.

We're the Only Ones Hot Dogging It Enough, Part II

A suburban police officer is accused of leaving a police dog in a patrol car for more than 12 hours on a 109-degree day, killing the animal.

Looks like they finally booked him. Part I is here.

[Via Sam]

We're the Only Ones Mixing Kids and Guns Enough
[I needed to use Google cache because the submitted link isn't working right now]

Sentenced to probation for shooting two cars and holding police at bay for seven hours during a psychotic episode that ended with a trip to the mental-health ward and the discovery of child pornography on his computer, retired state trooper Stanley W. Foss III had one question for Judge John S. Kennedy.

He wanted to know if the judge would lower the felony child pornography charge to a misdemeanor "so I could keep my weapons."

Y'know, as a professional courtesy--kind'a like getting probation for crimes that would get us non-"Only Ones" either put away or put under...

[Via Hyunchback]

We're the Only Ones Distributing Enough

A former Lebanon Junction police sergeant has pleaded guilty in U.S. district court to charges that he planned to distribute OxyContin, law enforcement officials said yesterday.

I wonder how many drug arrests he participated in during his seven years in law enforcement?

[Via Hyunchback]

We're the Only Ones Losing It Enough

Lowell police are asking for the public's help in locating a missing -- and most likely unloaded -- .40-caliber Beretta after a veteran officer apparently misplaced the handgun over the weekend.

Hey, we're always glad to help out here at WarOnGuns:


[Via Brian F]

We're the Only Ones Who, When We Do Shooters, Really Do Shooters Enough

She was sitting in a lounge chair in the living room of her Oak Street home, watching television, when the round ripped through a screen on an open bathroom window, rattling off walls and doors and hitting about 4 feet over her head, showering her with pieces of plasterboard as she ducked in fear...

Shots were still being fired when an officer arrived at their home, said Police Chief James Downes.

Police say those shots came from a nearby house, at 800 Main St., where two law-enforcement officers were allegedly drinking.

And are you ready for the best part? Aside from the responding officer reaching the victims' house with weapon drawn because he wasn't sure if they were the ones doing the shooting?

Downes declined to identify the two men linked to the shooting because criminal charges have not been filed. A source said one of the men works for the Reading Police Department and the other for the Middlesex Sheriff's Office.

"They were law-enforcement officials, and their agencies were called to take administrative action," Downes said.

I love how the drunken, sociopathic hired help consider themselves to be "officials." Besides, it's not like they endangered the lives of anyone important. I wonder what kind of "administrative action" they'd have taken against non-"Only Ones"?

[Via Brian F]

A Plethora of Only Ones

A lot of you have sent me "Only Ones" stories today--I had a morning business meeting and am just pressed for time to get everything done, so I'm consolidating these into one post.

We're the Only Ones Fast and Furious Enough

Deputy gets speeding ticket: 96 in a 45

Yeah, I'm sure you and I would just get cited. I doubt they'd arrest us for fleeing or impound the car for no proof of isurance just because we're not "Only Ones"...

[Via Void Where Prohibited]

We're the Only Ones Forging Ahead Enough

A former southern Indiana sheriff accused of forging other officers' signatures and improperly keeping weapons turned over to his department faces three to 11 years in prison.

Sorry...I got distracted reading about the "matronly" daughter-in-law...

[Via MRJ]

We're the Only Ones Secretly Misconducting Ourselves Enough

A new bill proposed at the legislature would allow for police to withhold misconduct reports from the public. Supporters of the bill believe that police misconduct should be kept secret from the public so to not discredit police testimony. Others say that a forthright police unit is essential to the community.

Yeah, letting roaches hide in the dark is always a surefire way to rid yourself of them.

Chris Buttars. "That's me!"

[Via DONE! SEO]

We're the Only Ones Secretly Misconducting Ourselves Enough-Part Two

After Castillo refused to cough up the price of two movie tickets, Curtis flashed his badge and placed him under arrest.

Practical examples of what Buttars will allow to spread. (Sorry.)

[Via Ron W]

Officer Accidentally Shoots, Kills Son

Authorities said an auxiliary police officer accidentally shot and killed his son as the two were examining a sniper rifle at their central Ohio home.

I didn't want to give this a standard "Only Ones" title because some things you need to treat with a bit more empathy--I cannot imagine this man's guilt and agony.

That said, it does put to the lie that police are "The Only Ones" who can be trusted with firearms. I've examined rifles plenty of times with my sons, and never came close to such an act of negligence.

I also haven't missed how the "Authorized Journalists" refer to it as a "sniper rifle," and any anti-EBR "sportsmen" out there should take note.

[Via Breda]

We're the Only Ones Piling Up Enough

I had a lot of emails waiting in my inbox upon my return, and it's tough keeping up with them all. If I haven't replied personally, my apologies--I'll try later today.

I need to be out of the house in half an hour so here's my best shot at responding to many of the "Only Ones" entries forwarded to me during my absence:

We're the Only Ones Emulating Lee Paige Enough

We're the Only Ones Puzzling Enough

We're the Only Ones Who Know How to Treat the Ladies Enough

We're the Only Ones Kittenish Enough

We're the Only Ones Allowed to Defend Ourselves Enough

We're the Only Ones in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time Enough

We're the Only Ones Blasting Ourselves Enough

[Via Gunthing; Michael S; JG; TonyG; Carl S; Jeffersonian; Mark G--sorry if I missed anybody else and hope you understand]

Carnival of The Only Ones

I had no idea or intent to dominate today's postings with "Only Ones" tales--it just kind'a happened based on random tips. The thought struck: Why not have an Only Ones Carnival?

Just to clarify: The purpose of this feature has never been to bash cops. The only reason I do this is to amass a credible body of evidence to present when those who would deny our right to keep and bear arms use the argument that only the police are professional and trained enough to do so safely and responsibly (the concept owes its origins to Lee Paige, the DEA agent who shot his own foot while lecturing a classroom on gun safety and his superior qualifications). And it's also used to illustrate when those of official status, rank or privilege, both in law enforcement and in some other government position, get special breaks not available to we commoners, particularly when they're involved in gun-related incidents.

The Carnival of the Only Ones will be held this Sunday, meaning I need all submissions in by Saturday night. It's open to anyone who has a freedom-related blog. Rules are as follows:

The title must have the words "Only Ones", and somewhere in the body of the post, a link to the following url should appear:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22only+ones%22+site:waronguns.blogspot.com&hl=en&lr=lang_en&safe=off&start=0&sa=N

That's basically it, except for one more caveat: I reserve the right to reject any and all submissions. I don't want to send anyone to a site that's going to place spyware on their computers or subject them to pornography, spam sites, etc.

So if you're interested in participating, post an "Only Ones" feature on your blog and then send me the link by Saturday night. Send all submissions to dcodrea AT hotmail DOT com and use "ONLY ONES CARNIVAL" as your email subject.

If this generates enough interest, I may make it a regular feature here at WarOnGuns.

Time for Another "Only Ones" Carnival

Y'know, I really didn't set out to have "Only Ones" stories dominate today's postings. I never do.

But the tips, as well as results from my own headline searches, just keep coming in, and I find I only have time, space and inclination to post a fraction of them--I routinely see newslinks over at KABA and other places that I just can't get around to addressing.

A while back, WarOnGuns hosted an "Only Ones" Carnival, and I think it's time to hold one again.

The rules are simple:

• If you have a blog, post an "Only Ones" story and send me the link. Please include the words "Only Ones" in your blog post title.
• If you don't have a blog, send me the link to an "Only Ones" story you found in the news. Also tell me how you wish to be credited (name/nickname)

The new Carnival will be posted next Friday, Feb. 2, just in time to kick off a festive weekend. If you'd like to participate, you have until the Thursday evening cutoff to get in your entries. Send them to me at:
And remember:

The purpose of this feature has never been to bash cops. The only reason I do this is to amass a credible body of evidence to present when those who would deny our right to keep and bear arms use the argument that only the police are professional and trained enough to do so safely and responsibly. And it's also used to illustrate when those of official status, rank or privilege, both in law enforcement and in some other government position, get special breaks not available to we commoners, particularly when they're involved in gun-related incidents.

If you're new to "The Only Ones Files," I credit the title to Lee Paige, the DEA agent who shot himself in the foot in front of a classroom full of children immediately after telling them "I'm the only one in this room professional enough that I know of to carry this Glock .40."

Love "Only Ones" Style

Maybe it's because it's Valentine's Week, maybe there's just something in the air, but these all came to my attention in literally the space of a few hours yesterday--I did not set out looking for them.


WARNING: The stories are "adult" in nature, that is, if you consider sexual predation and perversion to be adult qualities. If you think you might be offended, stop reading now.



We're the Only Ones Rubbed the Wrong Way Enough

At least six Inglewood police officers are suspected of having on- and off-duty sex at massage parlors and other adult businesses targeted in a recent crackdown on the businesses, according to officials. Acting Chief Julius Davis said his department is investigating the allegations of sexual favors in exchange for protection from prosecution, but he added that there is no evidence of criminal acts.

"We have not found anything that indicates there's any criminal conduct involved," Davis said.

No, of course not, Chief. Between that and the rape the FBI is investigating, the mask-wearing, the gun-pointing, the exposing, the fact that nobody's been fired and you're conducting your own hen house investigation, why on earth would anyone suspect a crime has been committed? It sounds like just another day at the Inglewood PD...

We're the Only Ones Gender-Bending (Over) Enough

City Council members have asked the state attorney general's office to investigate claims of sexual misconduct, racism and brutality at the police department after residents complained officers were mistreating Hispanic immigrants.

What, you mean declaring itself a "sanctuary city" just ensured an undocumented victim pool in Maywood that could be exploited? Who could have guessed?

My favorite revelation:

One of the claims under investigation is that a high-ranking officer forced a transsexual man to have sex with him multiple times over seven years, the newspaper reported.

We're the Only Ones Coming Into Your Life (and Your Open Car Window) Enough

No one disputes that an on-duty Irvine police officer got an erection and ejaculated on a motorist during an early-morning traffic stop in Laguna Beach. The female driver reported it, DNA testing confirmed it and officer David Alex Park finally admitted it.

Hmmm. Sounds like a moving violation.

[Via Tavis S]

We're the Only Ones Exposed Enough

Former U.S. Rep. Joseph M. McDade has been charged with exposing himself to two women Jan. 18 near a southwest Florida beach, police there said Wednesday.

You'll recall that the "Only Ones" designation isn't reserved exclusively for LEOs, but applies to all government elites "with power and abilities far beyond those of mortal men."

I went after McDade over 10 years ago, first because he was a Republican who supported the federal "assault weapons" ban, but also, because when indicted for conspiracy, bribery and racketeering, the coward tried to use the Constitution's speech or debate clause to claim legal immunity.


"Isn't it hypocritical," I wrote at the time, "that this individual should reject the plain language of the Bill of Rights and then use a cynically manipulative misinterpretation of that same Constitution in a desperate attempt to save his skin?"

It looks like this time, McDade doesn't need anyone else to expose him for being what he is.

[More from "The Only Ones" files...]

We're the Only Ones Not Breathing Easier Enough

I just got the following email from WarOnGuns Correspondent Mack H. I can't improve his presentation, so I'll just paste it here:

This is really ironic. Please follow along...

1) Remember Sean Bell? Shot dead in NYC on the eve of his wedding?

2) Well, in the aftermath, NYPD imposed a new mandatory Breathalyzer Policy.

3) The incredibly selfish Cop Union, the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association, objected.

4) They took it to court.

Statement

5) They lost.

4th amendment

Opinion

Go down to "A. The District Court Properly Applied the Special Needs Doctrine"

That's where it gets interesting.

So, the union believes they ought to be exempt from any and all breathalyser tests. They are the ONLY ONES, right?

Right. They believe they are. That's what being an "Only One" means.

So a loss is actually astonishing. Because they're not just "Only Ones." They're "Furious Mike Only Ones."

And they're not just "Furious Mike Only Ones." They're "Liberty-Lynchin'/ Stephen Abootman/ Lift-a-finger and we'll kill you Only Ones."

Broom stick, anyone?

A 2 Valuable "Only Ones" 3-fer

Jay from 2Valuable sends us the following links:

We're the Only Ones Protecting Residents Enough:

Federal officials say MacKinnon, along with former Chief Assistant Prosecutor Gary Theunick and ex-Rose City Police Chief Maxwell Garnett obtained the weapons illegally and failed to pay taxes on them. The men say they bought the equipment to protect residents.

Jay thinks these are OK guys getting a bad rap, and tells me:

I’ve been to Rose City and surrounding areas several times. The “gun culture” there is very comforting. It isn’t like the Detroit area. Everyone has guns and no one thinks twice about it being “bad.” Most of the LEO’s I’ve met up in northern Michigan are very supportive of the 2A and expect citizens to exercise their rights. I don’t know the chief or the prosecutors personally. I do know the chief was very helpful in making sure his citizens could get CPLs without hassle.

I respect his opinion and don't dismiss it. However, and there always seems to be a "however," my litmus test is what these men would have done in their official capacities had one of us been found in possession of "illegal" guns, and our stated motive was "to protect residents." If they would have left us unmolested, then I would view this differently.

We're the Only Ones Embarrassing Enough

Four metro Detroit police officers face an array of felony charges ranging from attempted murder and assault to sexual perversion in separate criminal cases making today an embarassment for law enforcement, Wayne County prosecutors said.

What's so embarrassing? I mean, it's not like Detroit hasn't been aware of their out-of-control "Only Ones" problem--for years.

We're the Only Ones "Sexy Time" Enough

Suspended Detroit police Sgt. Roosevelt Tidwell is charged with more than a dozen felonies related to allegations that he forced several couples to perform sex acts to avoid tickets and other punishments.

More details on "Randy Rosy," who also has a starring role in the "Embarrassing" link.

[More from "The Only Ones" files...]

We're the Only Ones in the News Enough

Here are some more "Only Ones" headline challenges for me to devise from WarOnGuns correspondent Vinnie:

We're the Only Ones Paid for Drinking and Driving Enough

A township police officer may remain on paid suspension until after he faces drunk driving charges in court.

We're the Only Ones Mouthing Off to Boys Enough

A police officer was charged Monday with three counts of oral copulation involving minor boys, according to Alameda County Assistant District Attorney Richard Klemmer.

We're the Only Ones "Good" Enough

A rookie police officer accused of using excessive force during a confrontation with a teenager began law enforcement training this week, months after a video showed him pointing his gun at the student in a crowded school hall...

"I'm really looking forward to this hearing so Mr. Wiggins can put this behind him and get on with being a good police officer, which is what he is," Creel said. "We need good officers out there. He's a good officer. I hate that people make these kinds of accusations, but it's just a prime example of how bad things happen to good people."

We're the Only Ones Speedy Enough

A police officer has been charged with vehicular homicide for allegedly driving nearly 40 miles an hour over the speed limit when his cruiser struck a pedestrian.

Since I obviously don't have anywhere near the self control, judgment and moral development of these fine professionals, I guess it's a good thing the law says they can be armed and I can't.

An Only Ones Three-fer

We're the Only Ones Not Ready for Prime Time Enough: Videotape an "Only One," get arrested.

We're the Only Ones Killing the Family Pooch in Front of your Toddler Enough: Wrong house? Waddya mean, "wrong house"?

We're the Only Ones Standing By Whilst Your Child Drowns Enough: Possibly the most disgusting example of "Only One" cowardice and uselessness ever presented at WarOnGuns.

[More from "The Only Ones" Files]

We're the Only Ones Giving You an Option Enough

An incident that led to an Indianapolis police officer being charged with rape Thursday began, prosecutors say, with a proposition.

"I'm going to give you an option," officer Anthony S. Smith reportedly told a woman with an outstanding misdemeanor warrant. "I can lock you up, but I really don't want to . . . or you can ride with me for an hour."

So now we're up to 11 in four months?

Think about that: We're constantly reminded by "Only Ones" apologists that we're only dealing with "a few bad apples." I don't know 11 co-workers in my entire career, which spans decades and private sector companies of all sizes, who have been charged or arrested for this kind of crap. I can't recall even one.

Via Shermlock Shomes, who writes:

I'm tempted to start posting this stuff to my blog and go into competition with you for daily posts of "Only Ones." Thanks to the fine officers of the IMPD, I think I'd beat you hands-down!

Don't compete--enhance! I WANT people to take and spread the "Only Ones" concept far and wide, and have said so from the start--after all, I don't own the concept: we owe that to Lee Paige, the Patron Saint of the Only Ones. Make it part of the wider debate--that'll never happen if it's confined to this one small blog.

An Only Ones in Love Trifecta

We're the Only Ones Chatty Enough

Authorities say an Ocala police veteran was charged with trying to solicit a 14-year-old girl over the Internet and sending her offensive material.

The burning question--if she'd gone out with him, would he have bought her a Happy Meal or a Big Kids Meal?

[Via Wm H]

We're the Only Ones Digital Enough

While en route to the police station, Torres began a sexually frank discussion with the woman, the charging papers state. Torres allegedly took the woman to a Federal Way weigh station and parked his patrol car. He told her he had previously had sex there with other women he had arrested and then proceeded to fondle her breasts and raped her with his finger, according to the charging papers.

I've heard of fingering a suspect, but this is ridiculous.

We're the Only Ones Getting a Grip Enough

The two women said they hesitatingly complied, and performed oral sex on their male companions for about 15 minutes, police reported...The 25-year-old said she asked to step out of the vehicle to urinate. The officer allegedly shined a flashlight on her as she did so and she said she noticed he was masturbating.

And here he was thinking he'd get off easy...

[More from "The Only Ones" files...]

An Only Ones "Three-fer"

From Stan:

We're the Only Ones...Whoa...Dude...I have HANDS!!! Enough

Oldham County police Officer Gerald W. Colston has been charged with growing marijuana, the department said today.

We're the Only Ones Punchy Enough

Johnson City police arrest an off-duty Kingsport officer this weekend after they say the man punched one of their officers in the face.

We're the Only Ones on Official Business Enough

When the officer showed up, he inspected the bag and saw nothing had been stolen. He also asked Righi for his driver's license. Since Righi was not driving his father's car, he refused to give up his driver's license, but was happy to give his name and address at the officer's request. Not amused, the officer arrested Righi and booked him for 'Obstructing Official Business.'

[More from "The Only Ones" Files]

We're the Only Ones Taking Care of Business and Working Overtime Enough

This village's police department wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars by paying officers for unnecessary or unauthorized overtime shifts and, possibly, shifts they never worked, according to the mayor's summary of an internal investigation report.

If you ever get annoyed

Look at me I'm self-employed

I love to work at nothing all day

And we be

Only Ones in business every day

Only Ones in business every way

Only Ones in business, it's all mine

Only Ones in business and working overtime

Work out!

[Via Declan]

We're the Only Ones Terrorizing the Campus Enough

In the exercise, an undercover police officer took a classroom hostage to test the university’s emergency communications system.

It happened in Room 236 of Moore Hall during a small American Foreign Policey [sic] class. For 12 minutes, students lined up against the wall, and one began praying. Many of them, including the professor, were unaware the ordeal was a drill.

Gee, sending out emails and text messages--just like at Virginia Tech. And don't you just love the idiot administrator Anthony Brown, explaining "Those are the kind of gambles you need to play in order to find out if the system will really work"?

And lest you wonder what the "system" is, don't take my word for it, take theirs:
















So everyone is disarmed except "The Only Ones," the only morons who would pull such a bone-headed stunt--authorized, naturally, by bone-headed administrators.

We told them we were going to have a drill, they protest. Just not what kind.

Yeah, I remember those--the fire alarm would go off, the teacher would explain it's a drill and we'd need to get up and walk out in an orderly manner to our designated spot in the parking lot for a head count.

Oh, but "had anyone compromised their safety, they would have called it off right away," we're assured.

So what happens when someone is put in a situation where they think they're going to die any second? Adrenalin shoots through the system, the heart starts pumping like a trip-hammer, breath speeds up, the entire system stresses--have these idiots never heard of heart attacks? What if the new mother had still been pregnant and the shock induced a miscarriage?

And what the hell was the point of the drill? That you can scare the hell out of unarmed people? Get them to do anything you say at gun point? How does that improve campus safety?

But I guess we did prove one thing: Campus cops, even though it took 12 minutes for them to get there, plenty of time for the entire room to have been wiped out, will not hesitate to burst into a classroom in force--when they know the gunman is one of their own and the weapon he's deploying is a fake.

How about we do a real drill, give the administrators a taste of their own medicine, see if they agree it helps "to test the security measures and make faculty and students feel safe." Because it wouldn't be "our intention to frighten or scare anyone."

Honest to God, when I first received this link, I thought it was a hoax. Nobody could be that stupid, not even people who work at it like college administrators and campus "Only Ones". But I do now see why they're so intent on keeping guns out of student and faculty hands. Because had that stupid sonofabitch burst in on an armed American who knows how to handle himself, there's a good chance the day would have ended in even more violence than the "Only Ones" initiated.

And it would have served the silly bastard right.

The only thing left to do now is to identify everyone who took place in this plot to commit assault, unlawful detention, terrorist activity, and whatever other charges can be filed, and get every one of the conspirators involved charged and prosecuted by the local DA and the feds--as you or I would deservedly be if we ever committed anything so bizarrely twisted, negligent, threatening and hazardous.

[Via HZ]

Another Cryptic Only Ones Twofer

We're the Only Ones Meeting Our Match Enough

At that point the other man got out of his car and pulled a gun on Treptow, whose wife and two children were also in the car with him. With no opportunity to move quickly away from the gunman who was now only feet away, Treptow fired his own weapon three times, scoring hits in both legs and grazing his arm.

Turns out that Mr. Road Rage, who was apparently not injured badly as he has been released from hospital, is an undercover police officer.

It speaks volumes that Treptow was not immediately charged.

We're the Only Ones Going Off All By Ourselves Enough

The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office says Deputy Jonathan Lopes was asleep at home when he was startled awake by a sudden noise.

The fourty-nine-year-old deputy grabbed for his firearm and it discharged. The bullet struck Lopes in the leg.

I guess that's a bit more extreme than racking the slide to scare off an intruder, but it worked...

[More from "The Only Ones" files...]

Bill Daly, Former FBI Investigator

His arguments in a nutshell: The answer is not more guns, the "Only Ones" are the only ones because they are so highly trained, and armed non-"Only Ones" will confuse these highly trained "Only Ones." Also, all young people are a bunch of irresponsible drunks.

Or some such foolishness.

It figures.

The guy is now a honcho with Control Risks Group, a well-connected global private security operation with a vested financial interest in propagating the mindset that only trained professionals are competent to protect.