What's Brown and Stinks?

The chairman of the Hamilton County Democratic Party is asking local officials to take action to keep guns out of parks and restaurants. [More]

All guns, or just the ones owned by people who obey citizen disarmament edicts?

Maybe Jeff Brown could clarify if he's seriously this full of peristaltic extrusions or if he knows damn well what the score is and just wants to get his name in the paper?

Why not email info@hamdems.org and ask.

Just be sure to wash your hands after any contact. And leave the fan on.

[Via RCB]

What's the Magic Word?

No guns in parks here, please [More]

Say "please" to the predators. Maybe if you beg and grovel and blubber and plead and howl in animal terror and agony enough, it'll work.

Then again, maybe it won't. Maybe it'll just enhance their experience.

In any case, the response from someone who is not a degenerate Eloi coward must be a polite, but firm "No," becoming less polite and more firm the more this doughy and contemptible evolutionary dead end whines.

[Via RCB]

Son of Only One

The son of the city detective charged in the Collegedale Wal-Mart assault case is facing charges of his own in connection with an incident with his girlfriend. [More]

The fruit doesn't roll very far from the tree?

I can't help but wonder if this guy's kid was taught by example to resolve frustration the "Only One" way...

[Via RCB]

We're the Only Ones Bursting Enough

A lawsuit filed in Circuit Court that seeks $200,000 says two Chattanooga Police officers burst into the wrong house with guns drawn.

...It says the couple was held at gunpoint while the home was searched, placing them, their children, their spouses, nephews, nieces and grandchildren "in mortal fear."

The suit says, the officers left "after realizing they had made a mistake." [More]

What do you think would have happened had Mr. Brady grabbed a gun and repelled the errant "Only Ones," thinking they might be home invaders?

Oh, right...

[Via RCB]

We're the Only Ones Pushy Enough

Chattanooga Police Det. Kenneth Freeman will not face charges in an incident in which he shoved a 71-year-old greeter at the Wal-Mart in Collegedale to the floor after he tried to stop him while doing a receipts check.

Collegedale Police declined to bring charges... [More]

Could I be more surprised?

Y'know, assaulting old people and shoving customers through glass sounds like grand fun. I wonder if that sport is available to all of us, or reserved exclusively for the "Only Ones"?

We could ask Collegedale PD Chief Cramer: dcramer@collegedaletn.gov

And we could ask Chatanooga PD Chief Cooper: WebPoliceDept@mail.chattanooga.gov

Think they'd tell us to shove it? Let's find out:



[Via RCB]

We're the Only Ones Saving Money and Living Better Enough

A 71-year-old greeter at the Wal-Mart in Collegedale says Chattanooga Police Det. Kenneth Freeman shoved him to the floor after he tried to stop him for a receipts check...

Collegedale Police declined to charge Det. Freeman, who is 48, with assault. [More]

Well naturally. Do you think they would have declined had it been the greeter assaulting the "Only One"?

Come to think of it, had it been anyone else who set off the alarm, do you think the contents of his bag would have been checked?

[Via RCB]

UPDATE: Letters

[Via Ed]

We're the Only Ones Towed Enough

A Brainerd businessman who owns three buildings near the controversial Deep Blue club said an off duty Chattanooga Police officer came out of the club when his car was being towed and pulled a gun on the tow truck driver.

Jeff Whitley said the officer approached him with the gun and "got in my face numerous times until he finally was told by other officers to go home." [More]

Do you think if the driver had pulled a gun on the "Only One" that his cop buddies would have told Whitley to go home?

[Via RCB]

We're the Only Ones Up the Down Staircase Enough

A British man was jailed for five hours after he photographed a cop reversing the wrong way up a one-way street.

Because right way subjects are trumped by wrong way "Only Ones," of course...

[Via RCB]

We're the Only Ones Who Can't Get Started Without Our Caffeine Enough

A police lieutenant in Daytona Beach was fired over accusations that he threatened slower emergency response times if he was not given complimentary specialty Starbucks coffee drinks...

Garvin is accused of saying, "If something happens, either we can respond really fast or we could respond really slow. I've been coming here for years and I've been getting whatever I want. I'm the difference between you getting a two-minute response time, if you needed a little help, or a 15 minutes response time."

So, depending on whether or not you submit to my extortion, you could describe our response time as "tall, grande" or "vente." In other words, I'm the "Only One" who will let you, your employees and your customers (that is, the people who employ me) die as my revenge if you don't allow me to commit armed extortion that we'd arrest anybody else for...

[Via Mark G, Ed D, RCB, and Stephen S--gee, I step away from the computer for an hour...]

Like a GFW Neighbor, State Farm is There

About 2,000 employees spent almost two hours Thursday afternoon in the lower level of the company’s corporate headquarters at Veterans Parkway and Washington Street after a passer-by reported seeing a man with a “long gun” outside the building.

Police eventually determined the person actually saw a custodian holding what probably was a pipe.

See, he probably wasn't wearing an official-looking uniform, because then the cattle wouldn't have stampeded...

[Via RCB]

Help Yourself!

General Sessions Court Judge Bob Moon said Friday that crime in Chattanooga "has become so rampant that it is no longer possible for the police department to protect our citizens."

He told a woman who had been pulled from her car and beaten in the head that she or her mother needed to "purchase a weapon, obtain a gun permit and learn to protect yourself."

Aw c'mon, judge--you know an attacker would just take it away and use it against her.

Why not give her some sound advice, like "give them what they want"?

[Via RCB]

We're Surrounded

Sometime during the course of your day, someone with a loaded weapon probably is near you. And those are just the legal weapons.

I wouldn't make the automatic assumption that all the "illegal" ones, whatever that means, are necessarily bad.

[Via RCB]

We're the Only Ones Automatic Enough

Before deputies arrived, they were informed that Agt. Queen was in the residence with an automatic weapon refusing to come out.

I wonder if it was stamped: "RESTRICTED FOR GOVERNMENT OR LAW ENFORCEMENT USE ONLY"?

[Via RCB and Carl S]