We're the Only Ones Academic Enough

Police departments at Arizona's three universities plan to arm their officers with military-style assault rifles within the next year, officials said Tuesday.

What, "weapon of war bullet hoses designed only to kill as many people as possible"?

That's the solution, have an arms race for "The Only Ones" while the intellectual cud-chewers low to have their horns and hooves trimmed down to stubs?

ASU officers will store the new guns in their patrol cars while on duty, taking them out only when a situation warrants their use, Hardina said.

So will they rush right in where angels fear to tread, or can we expect them to deploy behind trees, cars and buldings until the carnage is over? And let's just hope they're in better running condition than this guy...

Jan Kelly, an ASU faculty member, said she understands why officers have a need for weapons with increased capabilities. She said she feels comfortable with campus officers' access to the rifles.

"I don't think the police are going to target students," Kelly said. "If they (the guns) aren't visible, most won't really know about them.

"Hopefully we'll never know about them."

It's all about Jan's feelings you see. Besides, as we know from experience, college students are never targeted by enforcers with rifles.

And if you can't see it, it can't hurt you, Jan? That's your fall-back position? Is that anything like pulling the covers over your head so the monster in your closet can't get you?

Good grief. This "daft as a hairbrush" intellect reminds me of nothing so much as the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

Who would let an "insanely idiotically dense creature" like this have any say at all in their personal defensive choices?

[Via ChareltonHest]