The teenager accused Elmore of beating her with a belt in an argument on Nov. 18. The prosecutor, Forest Worgum, says her bruises were visible for nearly a month.I agree with Fits. And I don't understand the mindset of some who have commented on "gun boards" about how a good lickin' never hurt them. Good lickin's don't leave bruises for a month.
Sons Uday and Qusay are now 13 and 17, and I can't recall the last time I laid on hands--possibly to separate them when being young animals, meaning being boys, but not to actually smack them with any force. I do recall some bottom-swatting when younger for things like bolting off the sidewalk into a parking lot, but that was an instant reaction/immediate lesson thing. Formalized beatings were never part of the toolkit and were never needed or even considered, and all the normal frustrations aside, I could not ask for two more endearing sons.
I wasn't raised that way either. I remember in High School, I was joking with another kid in Art class and the teacher walked up, backhanded him across the face and tried to do the same to me. I blocked it, looked him in the eye and told him if he wanted to hit me, he would need to call my father first and ask permission. If Dad said it was OK, I'd let him, but otherwise we were going to have a problem. We didn't have a problem.
Back to "Only One" Elmore: I know children can push and frustrate you to the brink of reason. But if he can justify doing this to someone he ostensibly loves, imagine what he would be capable of doing to someone he doesn't. The young woman is old enough for tough love if her behavior is intolerable--meaning she lives by the rules of the house or lives on her own.
I agree with Fits and David, but with a confession:
ReplyDeleteI've used a belt twice in my life, although I didn't leave bruises.
My oldest son was six. He got three swats for ganging up on a four-year-old with another boy, punching and kicking him.
To this day, he says that the belt didn't hurt near as much as the fact that he had to go to the younger boy's home and apologize to him in front of the boy's parents.
My daughter was ten. I caught her on the phone using the absolutely filthiest language imaginable to a classmate during a squabble. I explained to her that this was unacceptable, and grounded her for a couple of days. The next day, in violation of her probation, she again did the exact same thing. Three swats with the belt, and hard time for a week. Cleaned out her room. No TV, no music, no phone, no books except for school books.
She still says that the belt was nothing, but that grounding was the hardest week of her life.
Never had to hit them again. They just HATED to be grounded.
I'm going to have to stop saying "Everything in my house is MINE." I say it of strangers who break in and police who raid. But my family is not my property. THAT is the KEY to crime and abuse: a feeling of ownership, of entitlement.
ReplyDeleteJohn McCain said in a speech yesterday he'll work to stop human trafficking. Modern day sweatshops and slavery, I guess. But the adversarial and proprietary relationship people feel *in the same home and family*, and in their dealings with others, is why we need self-defense in the first place. I own MYSELF; I don't own my wife or children. I can't break them or dispose of them. Some people think they can. My wife's POLICE OFFICER first husband, for instance.
When those people have legal authority, oh boy...
There is never a reason for that kind of force with a child. Force like that is about anger on the part of the parent, not discipline.
ReplyDeleteMy father was prone to beatings with 1x2 boards from the scrap wood pile that would draw blood and leave welts/bruises for weeks. That eventually elevated to him strangling me to the point that I passed out a few times. I'm just thankful that he met my step-mother when he did. If she hadn't settled him down, I doubt I would have lived to graduate from high school.
"The young woman is old enough for tough love if her behavior is intolerable--meaning she lives by the rules of the house or lives on her own."-David.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with that is that she cannot be turned out of the house in most states until she is 18 and, in fact, can force the parent out. I have seen it happen.
I have eight children, at one time I was a single custodial parent of four. I avoided physical punishment as assiduously as I could, but with some children, once they figure out you are loath to spank, they become intractable in their misbehavior. I had two like that. Using the formula of eight children raised for an average of 18 years each equals 144 years of parenthood.
In that 144 years, there weren't 20 spankings among them. And none of them were disproportionately distributed. But when they got one, they didn't want another. There was always other punishment to go along with it, with the explanation that because the only way I could get their attention was to spank them, and since I hated doing it, the punishment was increased.
It worked pretty well. I still hate doing it, I hated it then, I hate it now. I never bruised one of them, nor inflicted any real injury, but I can tell you for a fact there were times when nothing else would put them back on the right path. I never spanked when I was still angry, because I was always afraid I would hurt them, and I never used anything but my hand.
I tried to inflict more embarrassment than pain. And given the same circumstances today I would do the same thing.