A Cryptic "Only Ones" Three-fer

Cryptic Subterranean, that is:

A British homeowner tackled a teenager trying to break into his home and when the police turned up they charged him with assault. I can just imagine them doing the same thing if the homeowner had happened to be an off-duty cop and not a chef, can’t you?

British cops wait 10 days to respond to burglary reported by man but find time to threaten his young children with a fine for selling pumpkins without a licence.

Two Staten Island cops strip a teenage boy to his underwear and strand him in a desolate area to teach him a lesson.

Is it any wonder why we love "The Only Ones" so?