We're the Only Ones Who Think Women Are Too Incompetent to Use a Gun for Defense

This is what the Illinois State Police think women should do if they are "confronted":

Fighting back may take away your other options. Besides, your attacker(s) might only want to humilate you, and since we do that to citizens on a Daley basis, we don't see what the big deal is.

We give you an unsubstantiated anecdote about "a would-be-victim" [sic] who played the pregnancy card for sympathy, knowing what a cherished and central role fatherhood and unborn life plays in the priorities of urban male thugs. We then tell you about "some case were women" where the line between plural and singular is obscured, but still, it's nice to know whichever one of us wrote this is also an aging and fertility authority.

Hey, here's an idea! Tell your rapist you have an STD!

That's OK, baby--so do I.

Here's a SUPER defense tip: Vomit! Do something disgusting involving bodily expulsions!

Use your imagination and you can think of others!

For instance, you could BLEED! Just know that resistance--especially if you are up against multiple assailants, "would probably be futile."

But here's the most important tip:

Use of a firearm to protect yourself or property is not recommended.

Oh, Heavens, no.

Guns stolen from residences are a primary way of getting guns into the hands of criminals.

Boy, we sure got that right.

Half of all the women that fire a gun trying to protect themselves shoot someone they do not want to, i.e. friend, neighbors, relatives, etc.

Truly. When did you ever hear of a female competent enough to handle a complex and manly firearm without endangering everyone around her? Where do the dear little things get such foolish notions in their dingy, scatter-brained little girlie-heads?

Unless, of course, they're "Only One-ettes," and then the badge magically transforms them into State Official Warriorettes (you figure out the acronym).

Be aware of those times and places where there is a potential for attack and be prepared to defend yourself.

How?

Easy. Use a:

* nail file
* rat tail comb
* teasing brush
* pens and pencils
* keys
* anything rigid

Right. A gun will just endanger you and everyone else, but there's nothing quite as persuasive as poking an enraged, crack-fueled psycho possessing twice your upper body strength with a teasing brush to reestablish control of a situation. And don't worry if you can't find "anything rigid"--we're sure your attacker will be happy to come up with something for you.

Remember that screaming may be just as important to your defense as any weapon.

Yes, by all means, scream.* Better that than carry and use a gun. Howl in animal madness as everything human is stripped from you, and the only perceptions you experience are agony and terror.

Hey, if you survive, come back and visit our website any time. Be sure and check out our "Vision and Values," and remember:

We will strive for excellence in all we do...

[More from "The Only Ones" files...]

[Thanks to HZ]

* Citizens of America has disbanded, so disregard the plea for financial support at the end of the ad.