A Flaming Vigilante

WarOnGuns Correspondent Ned submitted this as a comment to today's "Gratifying Colin" post. I think it is on target and witty as hell, and deserves standalone recognition:

In other news, two people trapped in a wrecked bus perished when the bus they were traveling in caught fire after a traffic accident. It is alleged that an untrained civilian was unable to contain the flames with the fire extinguisher on the bus. The vigilante was held for questioning, before being released when it was discovered that no laws were broken.

The legislature immediately responded by introducing a bill forbidding anyone but trained firefighters to operate any piece of fire fighting equipment. The bill forbids civilians from either purchasing, owning, or using, fire extinguishers.

The Editorial Staff here at the Mushhead Anti-Republic Journal applauds this tardy effort by the state legislature, and encourages them to pass this important bill to maintain the public safety.

A surviving passenger opined: "I begged the man to wait for the authorities. Instead, he acted in vigilante fashion, claiming he was trying to keep the flames from igniting the fuel tank so the trapped people could be extricated so the whole bus wouldn't go up in flames. If only he'd waited for trained firefighters to respond, there would obviously have been much less loss of life. I mean, it took the Sheeple County fire department under fifteen minutes to respond after the fire started. I blame all the fatalities solely on this man's actions. He just refused to listen to reason."

State Assemblyman U. R. Joshin proudly announced: "It's time to place the safety of our citizens squarely where it belongs - on the shoulders of our paid experts. After all, that's what taxes are for."

Burn victim Colin Colin, injured in the 2009 U.R.U. arson fire in which 30 other perished, stated: "This is a win for people and public safety. Only experts should carry or use a device designed for saving lives."

Survivors of the accident are contemplating a lawsuit against the bus line for allowing access to a fire extinguisher by people other than trained professionals.