Tuesday, August 29, 2006

We're the Only Ones Upsetting Enough

Dear Abby: My husband is a great husband and father to our three children, ages 17, 10 and 4. The problem is, he leaves his loaded 9mm gun lying around our house. Last week, I found it on the kitchen table. Now here's the kicker: He's a police officer...

My kids have friends in and out of our home daily...

--Upset in Washington


Dear Upset,

There is absolutely no reason to worry.

Your husband is one of "The Only Ones," and is thus demonstrably immune to any of the mishaps that plague mere ordinary, non-professional citizens, who don't have the judgment or training to own dangerous guns.

3 comments:

E. David Quammen said...

Leaving a loaded 9mm around with a 4-year old? That is insane. The 10 and 17 year old should definitely be old enough to know better than to pick it up. But, a four-year old can still get the 'wild hair' syndrome.

There are four things this officer might be doing, IMO:

1. Cry for help, possibly suicidal, and perhaps suicidal/homicidal.

2. Showing them that they are the only ones he trusts.

3. Power trip.

4. Complete ignorance.

Anonymous said...

Dear Upset,

Here's the simple solution to your problem:

The next time he leaves his gun lying around unsecured simply field strip it and remove the firing pin.

If that's too difficult for you, remove the magazine, rack the slide to remove the round from the chamber and put it back in the magazine backwards. Now you can rest assured that the gun is unloaded and can't be loaded accidentally.



I don't actually do evil, I just encourage it in others in ways that are hard to trace back to me.

Anonymous said...

I suggest she pick a good lawyer, a decent casket, and check out the dating scene.