Songs of Solomon

I was going through some old files and found the following letters, written and sent respectively to Bill Clinton and Janet Reno during the Elian Gonzalez dispute. I thought I'd resurrect them here, not because they're timely, but just because.

Dear Mr. President, The answer is so simple. We all know it, and have for years. We learned about it long ago, and it's part of our common heritage. The answer is in that Bible you carry around in public. Remember Solomon? Remember the two women who claimed a child was theirs? You should order the INS to cut Elian in half! Send the left half to Castro. The Miami Cubans get to keep the right. Talk about a metaphor! 'Course if somebody blinks first, and cedes him to the other side, well, that's who gets to keep him. What a legacy for someone who is looking for exactly that. The wisdom of Solomon! And if nobody blinks and you actually have to go through with it? Well, all those dead kids at Waco didn't hurt your poll numbers any. And if things get too hot, you can just order another bomb strike somewhere. That always seems to work.

***

Dear Ms. Attorney General, Reliable reports document the grandmother of Elian Gonzales biting his tongue and unzipping his pants because she wanted to see if his "little private parts" had grown. Recalling that the catalyst for the massacre of the Branch Davidian children was your concern that they were being sexually abused, your duty, and the precedent for defining it, seem clear. Call in the Hostage Rescue Team. Elian must die.

[Graphic originally posted at GunTruths.com]