We're the Only Ones...ENOUGH Already...

WarOnGuns correspondent Vinnie puts the "cop" into "cornucopia" with a virtual glut of "Only Ones" vignettes. Now we get to see if I can spontaneously come up with suitably corny headlines for this unanticipated barrage:

We're the Only Ones Appraising Enough

A Prince George's County police officer is charged with assault after police say he pulled a gun on a real estate appraiser who came to the officer's house by mistake.

We're the Only Ones "America's Bloodiest Home Videos" Enough

"The one cop came punched me in my mouth then they threw me on the floor. After they were done smashing the camera then they hit me with the night stick," Rodriguez said.

We're the Only Ones Putting Out the Hits Enough

A Suffolk county jury has convicted a 22-year-old New York police academy recruit of conspiracy to commit murder for trying to hire a hit man to kill his girlfriend.

We're the Only Ones Anxious to Get on With Our Lives and Work Enough

A municipal court judge charged with pointing a pistol at two others has been sentenced to probation after pleading guilty to a lesser charge.

We're the Only Ones Dealing Enough

A Wallace police officer was jailed on drug charges after an investigation that began last summer, authorities said.

We're the Only Ones Who Keep Going and Going Enough

A Chicago police officer has been charged with domestic battery and stripped of her police powers, officials said.

We're the Only Ones Discharging Enough

She is charged with one count of discharging a firearm in an occupied building, a four-year felony, one count of felonious assault, a four-year felony, and felony firearms, a two-year felony.

We're the Only Ones Dipping Into the Spa Enough

Another New Orleans police officer charged in a robbery at the Bangkok Spa has pleaded guilty.

We're the Only Ones Walking the Walk Enough

35-year-old Paul Cetinski told a judge he was tasered repeatedly, without warning, after allegedly jay-walking in the downtown area.

We're the Only Ones Overlapping Enough

A Cuyahoga County grand jury today indicted a Cleveland police officer on a charge of theft in office based on allegations he collected on-duty pay while working off-duty as a security guard.

I'm sure glad these people were all considered more trustworthy to bear arms than I am.

I need a drink. And it's not even 6:00 AM. And I don't really drink all that much.

Carnival of "The Only Ones"

Hurry, hurry, hurry...

Welcome to the festival. This one was put together on short notice, so participation's kind of scant--still, we have a few outstanding attractions, so let's head on down the Midway and take a look at them...

A Keyboard and a .45 showcases "We're the 'Only Ones' Who Can Not Tell Black From White!"

The eye witnesses to the suspect escaping from the crash were police officers who described the man as a young black man in a hoodie with a .22 pistol. It appears that the suspect somehow morphed into a young white man, wearing a blue sweatshirt and carrying an assault rifle.

A Friend of Freedom doesn't have a blog, but wanted to set up a table here at the Carnival to call our attention to a sideshow that could be called "We're the Only Ones Stung Enough":

Two Chicago cops were arrested Wednesday in an FBI sting for allegedly stealing $31,000 from self-storage lockers they thought were rented by a drug dealer.

Likewise, Cousin G wanted in on the act, so he's standing by the Big Tent handing out flyers titled "We're the Only Ones Presenting Opportunities Enough":

The Money Quote: "Investigators said Parkey's guns were in a gun safe but that the safe was not locked."

Cousin G also directs us to a follow-up to this story, something that could be called "We're the Only Ones Sheltered by the Media Enough":

The veteran officer - the Sun is not naming him yet - was suspended from duty with pay on Thursday.

Meanwhile, over at the side shows, Free Constitution wins "Best of Freak Show" hands down. Forget Siamese Twins or The Two-Headed Boy, he's got an "Only One" who can be TWO PLACES AT ONCE! Meet "We're the Only Ones Sick & Fraudulent Enough":

[M]eet Retired Police Officer Charles B. Lincoln who managed to work two government jobs, while giving the effort required of one.

Dang, it, Stan. I hate it when you reveal how the trick works. Spoils the magic.


Finally, we have a Cornucopia of Carnival Coppers right here at The War on Guns:

"We're the only Ones in the Wrong Place Enough,"

"We're the Only Ones Career-Minded Enough,"

"We're the Only Ones [G]un Controlled Enough,"

and many more rides and attractions, including the original vault where we keep "The Only Ones Files."

That wraps up the guided portion of The Carnival of the Only Ones. Feel free to stroll around the Midway and enjoy the sites, the sounds, the shows.

And remember:

The purpose of this feature has never been to bash cops. The only reason I do this is to amass a credible body of evidence to present when those who would deny our right to keep and bear arms use the argument that only the police are professional and trained enough to do so safely and responsibly. And it's also used to illustrate when those of official status, rank or privilege, both in law enforcement and in some other government position, get special breaks not available to we commoners, particularly when they're involved in gun-related incidents.

We're the Only Ones Camera Shy Enough

Anzaldi was arrested and his equipment was confiscated, and about 500 images were deleted from his memory card, when the Chicago police decided that he wasn’t allowed to film a crime scene from a neighbor’s private property...

The Chicago Police are getting in trouble for torturing people, actually physically torturing people...It’s not about right and wrong for them, it’s about what they have the power to do.”

You’re going to all of the sudden tell people you can only photograph where the police say you can photograph?”

See, they're not just "Only Ones." They're Chicago "Only Ones."

And commentator "Old School" sure sounds like a good German, doesn't he?

Forget it, Jake, it's Chi-Town.

We're the Only Ones High-Power Enough

Nearly 100 teens marched outside Chicago police headquarters Thursday night to protest the department's plans to equip officers with semi-automatic rifles, saying the weapons could make the streets more dangerous.

Carrying signs like "Stop the War on Youth," teens said they didn't trust police with the high-powered weapons and worried gangs would be encouraged to bolster their own arsenals.

Arthur McGraw certainly sounds like a boy genius, doesn't he(?), although I agree with him on one point--I don't trust them either. And why does his "Southwest Youth Collaborative" remind me of the Young Communist League, right down to their Lightworkeresque "community organizing"?

I wonder where fellow travelers Jesse and Snuffy were? Well, at least they're leaving John R-i-g-g-i-o alone and going after not just "Only Ones," but Chicago "Only Ones" (who, I confess, I wouldn't mind seeing reduced to billy clubs as an experiment--just to see if there was any behavior modification).

"It'll shoot through brick, car doors."

Yeah, no kidding.

Forget it, Jake, it's Chi-Town.

We're the Only Ones Ensuring Incompetence Enough

The Chicago Police Department is seriously considering scrapping the police entrance exam, sources tell Fran Spielman.

Dropping the exam would bolster minority hiring and avert legal battles, according to one source, while others confirm that the exam could be scrapped to open the process to as many people as possible. [More]

So they won't actually have to understand that Constitution they're required to swear an oath to support? And these boobs are going to tell us what the law is?

So much for the argument that they're the professionals. Wonder how the Brady's are going to lie their way around this?

Why not just put up a "Thugs for Hire--Inquire Within" sign? Oh, right--because they couldn't read it.

Not just "Only Ones"--Chicago "Only Ones".

Forget it Jake, it's Chi-Town.

Has everybody had just about enough of this yet?

We're the Only Ones Taking Care of Business and Working Overtime Enough

Ware claims that certain Chicago Police Officers have a history of making false arrests because they get overtime pay to attend court, "regardless of the arrests' validity." [More]

So why shouldn't they be able to kidnap you? They're not just "Only Ones," they're Chicago "Only Ones."

Forget it Jake, it's Chi-Town.

There I go denigrating instead of glorifying again.

Also see here.

[Via Michael R]

We're the Only Ones Rarely Punished Enough

A media report says off-duty Chicago police officers involved in shootings of civilians are rarely seriously punished -- even when their conduct is questionable.

Well of course not. We're "The Only Ones," and Chicago Only Ones at that...

Duh!

[Via HZ]

We're the Only Ones Fundraising Enough

Chicago police officers are planning a benefit this weekend at their union headquarters for Joseph Frugoli, who is accused of crashing into a car while driving drunk on the Dan Ryan in April, killing two people. [More]

Shows you what they think of us, doesn't it? And I like the way the FOP tries to distance itself--like they can't control how their hall is used. I also see they cleaned all tracks off their website. They didn't have any control over that, either.

Not just "Only Ones," Chicago "Only Ones."

Forget it Jake, it's Chi-Town.

[Via Andre]

Another Cryptic Subterranean "Only Ones" Festival

Jay. Mac has sent me multiple "Only Ones" posts before. He's got another crop in, and it's a good one:

http://crypticsubterranean.blogspot.com/2008/03/call-who.html
A man's home was being burgled as he hid in it and he tried to call police for three hours; when he had no luck he was forced to phone a local politician who in turn called the Chief of Police and the Mayor. Only then did they dispatch help.

http://crypticsubterranean.blogspot.com/2008/03/chicagos-finest.html
A Chicago cop assaulted two other police officers and a paramedic after getting drunk while off-duty.

http://crypticsubterranean.blogspot.com/2008/03/strawberry-meth-hoax.html
Brit cop gets hoax email about non-existent drug and promptly sends a warning to local schools and families.

http://crypticsubterranean.blogspot.com/2008/03/only-ones-go-to-sea.html
The Coast Guard have been warned to behave more professionally following complaints about how they treat civilian sailors.

http://crypticsubterranean.blogspot.com/2008/03/wasting-police-time.html
A senior cop, in the running to take over London's Metropolitan Police, has ordered staff to monitor his Wikipedia page so that nothing negative appears on it.

"The Only Ones."

Better than us and don't you forget it.

We're the Only...Sa-ay...Are Those Fruit-Filled...?

The Chicago Sun-Times says a cop in the Windy City was suspended for 15 months after the Police Board heard evidence that she "us[ed] her gun and badge to demand free coffee and pastries from six Starbucks stores on the North Side between 2001 and 2004."

I was telling people who sent me this that it was an old story and I'd already covered it--but that other shakedown took place in Florida.

And I must admit I laughed out loud when I read the last sentence in this story:

Elsewhere in Chicago, another police officer was fired after he admitted having a sex with a rookie's wife inside a local precinct.

Remember: They're not just "Only Ones," they're Chicago "Only Ones." Better than me 'n you in every way.

[Via Zachary G and DJK]

Take the Only Ones Challenge!

To paraphrase Glinda, from "The Wizard of Oz":

Are you a good Only One or a bad Only One?

There's competition for the meaning of the term. Ahab/Caleb has started featuring stories illustrating the good they do.

Good for him. I've certainly never claimed exclusive rights, particularly since it was coined by someone else.

I do have a challenge for him, though:

Go up to the "Only Ones" you praised in Chicago or Los Angeles. Congratulate them on their bravery. Tell them how much you admire them, and how you sympathize with them risking so much in often thankless and unappreciated tasks. Shake their hands and offer your profound respect and appreciation.

Then, tell them that in accordance with the Supreme Law of the Land--the one that says "the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed," you are carrying a pistol in order to protect yourself, your family and your community.

And then let us know how much they respect you, and which definition of "The Only Ones" manifests itself--yours or mine.

We're the Only Ones Contradicted Enough

Witnesses Contradict Police Account of Fatal Shooting [More]

Well there's a conundrum: who is more credible? Chicago "Only Ones"--or the citizens who vote for Chicago politicians?

Forget it Jake, it's Chi-Town.

[Via FFFW]

We're the Only Ones Billy Goat Gruff Enough

Accused corrupt cop Jerome Finnigan is cooperating with federal authorities in an attempt to “get someone bigger than himself,” law enforcement sources said Monday.

"Oh, you don't want to eat me," said Little Billy Goat Gruff to the Troll.

"My older brother will be coming over the bridge in just a moment, and he'll make a much bigger meal than I will."

What I don't get about this is, it suggests--if you can believe it--that corruption among Chicago "Only Ones" is not isolated, and that it goes up the ladder to God knows how high. Talk about the stuff of fairy tales!

My bet is they'll only nail Middle Billy Goat Gruff, and Big Billy Goat Gruff will continue gorging himself in the green pasture.

[Via Vaughn Croteau]

We're the Only Ones Planting Enough

Relatives, witnesses and friends of a 19-year-old man shot and wounded by police on Mother's Day allege that a gun was planted on him after he was shot, according to a Channel 5 news report.

Nah, I don't believe it.

Not Chicago "Only Ones."

We're the Only Ones Dirty Har...uh...Gerry Enough

Take Gerald Callahan.

In 2004, he handcuffed a bartender who refused to serve him. The city paid the bartender $15,000 to make his false-arrest lawsuit go away and Callahan was suspended.

The department ordered Callahan -- an alcoholic and manic depressive -- into rehab. The day before he was return to normal duty in 2006, supervisors smelled booze on his breath. He refused to take a Breathalyzer and was abusive to his bosses.

Maybe they're part of that Chicago "Only Ones" special hires program. And 3/4 of these mutts (that's more than "a few bad apples") are returned to the streets, where they're deemed more trustworthy to keep and bear arms than you or I.

Forget it Jake, it's Chi-Town.

We're the Only Ones Posing Enough

The Chicago Police Department is investigating several of its officers accused of forcing a college student they arrested during last month's G-20 summit in Pittsburgh to pose for a group photo with them. [More]

And while any number of sites can link you to the video, only WarOnGuns brings you this exclusive still photo of these "Only Ones" posing with their trophies:


The punch line?

"The Chicago Police Department does not tolerate misconduct by any of its members, regardless of where it might occur."

Comedy gold!

Forget it, Jake, it's ChiTown. Even when we bring it with us to Philadelphia.

[Via Texas Shooter]

We're the Only Ones In Check Enough

And not only was the defendant in Wednesday's bench trial a former Chicago police officer, but prosecutors say she attempted to deposit the bad check in her account at the Chicago Patrolmen's Federal Credit Union. [More]

Every version of this AP release I've found says she's "been on the force since 199."

I guess that's back when she'd have been one of the "Only Ones" trustworthy enough to carry a sword...?

Forget it Jake, it's Chi-Town.

[Via FFFW and David Hamel]

We're the Only Ones High and Mighty Enough

"People don't get it," Holcomb said. "When you go to an airport, the only people that can carry a gun are federal agents."

Demonstrably untrue.

You can also get away with it if you're an anti-gun mayor.

But you're right, I don't get it. That's why I post stories about "The Only Ones."

I also like the presumption that "it was not clear why he was carrying it," as if exercising rights demands an explanation. By the same token, I can't get too worked up over this. If Dennis Farina spent 20 years in the Chicago PD, I have to believe he was a willing part of a machine that grinds people up every day for similar "crimes"--speaking of which, let's see if state charges for illegal concealed carry are also pressed--as they would be against you or me.

UPDATE: HZ points out the ex-Chi-Town cop was flying to handgun-free Chicago.

[Via Maureen]

We're the Only Ones Terrorizing Enough

Three more Chicago police officers were charged Monday with corruption, only three months after four rogue officers faced charges of using their badges to break into homes and rob them...

Prosecutors say the officers abused their authority to terrorize and steal from people. They say the men allegedly forced their way into homes of drug dealers and ordinary citizens. The officers allegedly took everything from drugs to guns and in come cases thousands of dollars in cash.

Thank goodness Chicago has such aggressive citizen disarmament in place. Otherwise, someone could get hurt and it would be their gun's fault.

[More from "The Only Ones" files...]

[Via Cousin G]

We're the Only Ones Flying the Friendly Skies Enough

Chicago police said they are investigating the theft of several handguns from luggage at O'Hare International Airport since the beginning of the year.

Police spokeswoman Monique Bond said all of the thefts have occurred from bags checked for United Airlines flights by police officers, military personnel and others with the legal rights to carry the weapons.

How can they do this to us? Don't they realize we're "The Only Ones"???

Sure glad Chicago PD'ette and Constitutional law expert Monique is there to educate us about just who has the right to keep and bear arms...and we can only hope if one of those guns kills someone that the manufacturers get what's coming to them!